Set in Pompeii during the years leading up to the eruption of Vesuvius, this full length novel follows the lives of prostitutes and politicians, gladiators and slaves, the elite an the nouveau riche. Their lives intertwine and the choices they make lead to the destruction of Pompeii.
Coming soon to Nook and Kindle.
I can understand the appeal: a doll who looks realistically like a woman, and yet has no will, agency, ability to object or judge or criticize. One can do anything to this object without any kind of fallout.
Of course, there is a lack of the positives: the pleasure that can be elicited and is in itself very arousing. The independent actions that occur, the desire to please and give, which are also extremely arousing. The positive reactions, the praise and begging and worship.
But a doll like this isn't for people who want those things. This doll is for someone entirely focused upon control and domination. The chain around this doll's neck is more than an ornament. The doll is for someone who wants no reaction, positive or negative. The doll is for someone who doesn't want the responsibility, even the burden, of being sexually with someone who could be an independent individual.
This doll appeals to those who do not want to be with a human being, only the suggestion, the image of a human being.
"Now," I reached over and took the iron. I showed it to him, held it close to his face so he could feel the heat. "Why is this going to happen?"
He made some sort of excuse about the oven cleaner. I moved the iron closer and said, "No, it's not about the oven cleaner. What is it really about?"
"I disappointed you."
I smiled and squealed. "Good boy! And what will you do in the future?"
"Everything you want, exactly how you want it."
I was so excited I laughed with joy. It was time. I let the iron steam against the side of his face. He yelped, but more from being startled than from pain.
"We'll begin with ten seconds. You can handle that easily, right?"
He nodded vigorously. I pressed the towel over his cock, and then pressed the iron on it. I started breathing faster---but no, I must calm down. I must not peak in my pleasure too soon. I was already soaking wet, but that wasn't important.
Five, six, seven, eight...
He squirmed and moaned, tensing his body and pulling on his restraints. I knew where he was: he was approaching pain, in the throes of discomfort. He was more afraid than suffering. The suffering would come later.
The first moments always took me back to my childhood when, for reasons beyond the eight year old me, I would spank the dogs of our neighbors, punishing them by locking them in closets. I was completely confused by this deep, exquisite pleasure and was helpless before it. I remember so many moments when I felt compelled, as if by an outside force, to take my pleasure in these ways.
I figured it all out eventually, after shedding the shame that coupled the confusion. I wasn't confused now. I knew exactly what I was doing.
Let me begin with the Wikipedia definition:
"Futanari is the Japanese word for hermaphroditism, which is also used in a broader sense for androgyny...Beyond Japan the term is used to describe a commonly pornographic genre of computer games, comics and animations, which includes characters that show both primary sexual characteristics. In today's language it refers almost exclusively to characters who have an overall feminine appearance."
And now an illustration:
Why delve into this subject? I took on the assignment of writing a futanari gangbang and I had very little knowledge of the subject (I'm not into anime beyond the sublime and disturbing Attack On Titan). But it moves beyond seeing drawings of chicks with dicks. It's about the more complicated meaning.
The penises are at times ample, and surprisingly at times small. The breasts always seem to be enormous and the women themselves extremely feminine. If it wasn't for the exposure of the penis, it would be impossible to predict that such a woman would have both sexes. It becomes then about the juxtaposition of both sexes, but with the rejection of masculinity. The women retain all the appeal of their femininity and all its power, while having the penetrating, aggressive power of male sexuality. It creates a kind of femininity that expresses its power through penetration, rather than the more passive power of female sexuality.
This appeals to men who wish to be dominated by women; in my instance, the male figure is gang raped, humiliated and abused (as per request). It is a BDSM dynamic, absent the dominatrix who assumes masculinity in her manner and approach, even if wearing feminine attire.
This is a form of hermaphroditism, or intersexism which is more culturally appropriate today, that our culture cannot grasp outside of rare, fetishised porn. It is a form of femininity and a reinvention of male genitalia that is refreshing.
Now, to my gang bang.
This is a graph illustrating how sexually aroused people get thinking about certain taboos. I found this on Reddit, and it appears on the subreddit /r/dataisbeautiful (clicking on the above image will take you to the imgur original, which is much easier to read). There's an enormous amount of information here to process, but there are a few things I wish to comment briefly on.
First of all, the top taboos for men: group sex, performing sex acts with a friend, and the two age gaps: having sex with someone at least ten years older and with someone who is an adolescent. Incest is up there for men, but is only half as arousing for men as adolescents. What do we glean from this? That we need to rethink how we deal with men and the taboo of sexual attraction to adolescents. That it's probably even more common of a fantasy than this graph indicates?
And for women? I think the results for women are even more interesting.
The top fantasies for women are BDSM, group sex, sex with a friend, and sex with someone older. What should be noted are the high numbers of women who also are aroused by rape and being strangled. That women, and not men, have more sexual fantasies about violence is fascinating. Twice as many women find rape as arousing as men do. Why is this? It's possible it's an exaggerated metaphor for power and masculinity, of finding release and freedom in subordination and slavery.
What surprised me is that group sex, sex with a friend, or with someone at least ten years older are considered taboo experiences. I had no idea that my life has consisted of breaking one taboo after another.
My friends have told me that I'm crazy and sometimes behave dangerously. I don't believe roleplaying more bizarre fetishes on Reddit anything dangerous. After all, the incredible anonymity of Reddit protects me. I will admit that I never think about any psychological danger to me, or to the other person I'm roleplaying with.
A few months ago, I posted a roleplay ad with the scenario of being a psychiatrist. I had over thirty messages within the first minute, from both men and women. Most messages were men who masturbated too much and wanted help. Others were men questioning their sexual orientation. One was a woman who had a penis (I went pretty far RPing with her). The most interesting for me was a man who admitted to fantasizing about raping and murdering women. I found it fascinating, not just psychologically but logistically---how would I play this out? Below is the actual text of our initial roleplay. We never were able to play again, though I was very willing. His life was busy, as was mine, and then I moved out of the country which made the time difference an insurmountable problem. I knew nothing about him accept that he had children, and one night while we were chatting, his daughter had a nightmare and he had to give her cuddles until she fell asleep.
But you're making progress. I don't think you're a terrible, bad person. I believe in you. I believe that you really don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want you to put your hands around my throat. I know you won't hurt me because you want to be someone different.
Alright, doctor... I'll try... Your skin is so smooth, so pale. I can't help imagining bruises appearing on it. I need to touch it harder... feel it more.
You're doing very well, but you don't need to be so rough.
But I particularly love to do this to redheads, doctor... So pale, I can see the welts and bruises. I'm so hard, doctor, I'm going to unzip myself to make it easier. To make it more like what I've done before...
You're doing this too hard. You should let go of me.
It will be easier on the floor, doctor. You'll come down here, beneath me. Look at how hard it gets me? You see? You see what I'm up against? Having this soft, warm meat in my hands just makes it so difficult to stop...
I see what it's doing to you, but you need to stop. You need to let go of me right now before you do something you regret.
I already told you, meat, I don't ever regret it, I just think that I should. Maybe you'll stop telling me I need let go if I squeeze harder... Maybe I'll get more out of this with your skirt up around your waist.
No, please, no, don't, you're not like this, you're not this kind of person. At least you don't want to be. You want to be more.
No, I don't, you worthless piece of female meat masquerading as a doctor. I want to be the person I feel like when I'm doing this... powerful, using others for my pleasure.
You feel so good on the inside, doctor... particularly when you struggle and your throat bulges.
No, no, no, please stop, I can't breathe.
If you can't breathe, you can't tell me I'm wrong, you stupid piece of fuckmeat. I can't take your accusing face anymore, I need to turn you over, doctor. Your throat feels so delicate in my hands, maybe it'll help if I distract you from that by using your ass.
I struggle and grasp at your hands and cry out.
Skirt over your hip, stockings torn open for me.
It feels so good to dig my fingers into your throat, to feel your life leave you. Thank you for helping me, doctor... your ass is so tight...
(This is extremely hot...)
I'm full of terror as I gasp and struggle and realize I'm not going to escape and I've made an enormous mistake.
Do you feel how hard that is in you, doctor? That's because of how right this all feels to me. You'll never tell me I'm wrong again, you can't even speak now. You are just meat... and a tight hole.
"Please," I manage to gasp.
"Women are meat. Women are meat. Women are meat."
Stretching out your ass, feeling the life drain out of you on the floor of your office. Feeling myself cum inside you.
"This will be the last thing you feel, doctor."
His motivations are obvious: feelings of persecutions, accusations, ridicule by women. He needs to silence women as a way of finding satisfaction, a way of proving that he isn't "wrong" at all. He reduces women to meat because, very vividly to him, women are beyond meat. They are so powerful he is obsessed with reducing them to a raw physical self, empty of personality. Nothing frightens him more than women, and it's this fear that makes him lash out.
If I roleplay with someone with these fantasies, will it, could it prevent him from enacting this in real life? Is that even an issue at all? Was this man even capable of living out his fantasies (he assured me several times he hasn't hurt anyone)? I never believed so. I believe that staging his fantasies through online roleplay was a healthy form of dealing with his issues.
Images of women tied up and gagged are powerful, not because they give the view feelings of being empowered: we the viewer being in the position of she/he who has tied the women up.
It's because the women themselves are examples of extreme holders of power. We don't tie up the weak. We tie up the strong. We tie up those who can dominate and destroy us. Women have always been seen as powerful, even magical figures when it comes to their allure. The best example being the femme fetale, who moves like a force of evil through the world and men nearly helpless before her charm.
What is more, the women know they are this powerful, and subordinate themselves as a form of release. They alleviate the burdens of their own power, and become a thing without agency.
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I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
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And I thought I was fucked up.