Lady Ristretto, Since 2014
  • Home
  • Customize Your Erotica
  • FAQ
  • Contact me
  • Action Figure Erotica
  • Blend of the Day
  • Sex, Fucking, and Give Me More Coffee
  • Library

Sex, Fucking, and
Give Me More Coffee

Moctezuma Johnson wrote me a poem and he can do the same for you!

4/18/2018

0 Comments

 
0 Comments

The Greatest Buttplug Etsy Store of ALL TIME

4/10/2018

0 Comments

 
My friends send me the best shit to write about.  These come from the Etsy store GlowFYourself.  All of these are custom built and available today.  You can even request a custom buttplug, if these smutpunk designs aren't arousing enough for you.
Picture
Lucky rabbits foot butt plug! In 3 sizes, fill yourself with good fortune! Mature kinky tail spinner fun magic
Picture
Jesus Christ, golden GLOW in the DARK rosary buttplug! Ride the face of Christ every time you sit down, feel the love, AMEN!! Mature
​
Picture
Picture
Pin the tail on the donkey magnetic butt plug tail and ears! Mature adults only, kinky booty party game pet play fidget spinner bdsm
​
Shark Bite!! Stainless steel man eating butt plug, live EVERYDAY like it's SHARK WEEK! Feel the Jaws of the sharknado, deep inside! mature
​
And there are many, many more.   The obvious question is would a person be able to get off having a shark eating a leg stuffed in their butt?  I think the answer is yes, because people are so diverse, creative, and deliciously strange that anything is possible sexually.  But what's most likely the orgasmic experience of these devices is the fetishization of their satiric and iconoclastic nature.  These not only cross conventional boundaries that define what is arousing and sexy, but trample institutions with strict propriety: a butt plug converted from a children's game, from a horrific and deadly animal attack, from sacred Christian imagery, from a pagan totem designed to elicit good luck.  This is the tantalizing, titillating, nipple hardening, brain stimulating power of these objects.  And, fuck, may god bless them.
Go Visit the GlowFyourself Etsy store NOW!!!
0 Comments

A crazy amount of free smut event!

4/9/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture

FREE DIRTY SMUTPUNK HERE NOW!!!!

Picture
I recently met an entity on Twitter who refers to himself as Moctezuma Johnson.  I was immediately intrigued.  With a name like that, I assumed he was either overcompensating, laughing at himself, or just trying to be cute.   I'm sure it's all three, and many, many more.  

(This distinguished artist composite sketch is the only known image of Moctezuma, and is conspicuously absent his legendary Johnson.)

He has assembled a GIANT book giveaway.  Over thirty books are free.  FREE TO DOWNLOAD.  All you need is a computer.  This shit is truly the most creative, ostentatious, outrageous, erotica I've ever encountered.  These books are each a celebration of bizarre fetishes, ornate sexual orientations, and cartoonish sexual ideals.  

Of course, one of my books is available as well.


1 Comment

A page from my diary: July 5, 1996

8/18/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
...J turned me around, lubricated his dick, and slid it up my ass, standing up.  I had a very hard time standing with him thrusting easily in and out of my ass, holding me, fondling my breasts.  I kept wanting to let my knees buckle and collapse on the bed.  He had me bend over and touch my toes, locking my knees, and he went deeper, and it felt sublime.

He asked if I wanted him to go even deeper---I said yes, so we got on the bed.  I laid on my back and he got on top, and thrust in slowly.  He went in and out so slowly, gently, lovingly.  He kissed my neck and made love to me and it drove me insane.  I trembled.  I rubbed myself against him.  I asked if I could scream when I came; he said he’d prefer I didn’t---so when I came quickly, I internalized it and it was a ten--a head to toes ten.  

He kept going and it only got better for me.  It felt so incredible, I whimpered; I couldn’t think.  It was like a cloud bank had moved into my head.  I was whimpering so much, J asked if I wanted him to stop---I couldn’t answer.  I couldn’t form words.  I couldn’t speak.  So seeing this, he said, “Squeeze me if you want me to continue.”  I put my arms around him and squeezed and he went on.

Tears came to my eyes; I nearly cried.  My whimpering increased and he asked again if he should stop.  It took me several minutes to say “switch”.  He Understood me, put on a condom, and got in my cunt.

I almost came again, and would have if J lasted longer.  I wasn’t disappointed I didn’t.  When he came, I moaned as if I were coming.  

I was just about dead after.  I laid there motionless, J watching me, so very pleased with himself.  Ten minutes it took before I could speak in complete sentences.  As soon as I could laugh, I laughed.  J said that although I wasn’t the first girl that had lost the power of speech, I was the first to do so during anal sex.


0 Comments

A page from my diary: August 13, 1995

8/18/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
...we went driving---at liquor stores we bought cokes, JD coolers, and condoms---we ended up at a church, where we drank in the parking lot---and then Mt. SAC---it was all open and I took R to see Dr. D’s classroom---and he pissed against the door---then we wandered through the hallways---the dark enclosed hallways, finally stopping in one for….experimentation---first we were going to try ball-sucking---he leaned against a little brick wall, and I got on my knees, and he pulled down everything---he was totally hard---I tried seeking out his balls, but his fully erect penis was just so inviting, I concentrated more on that---my arms went around his legs---and he pulled my shirt up, and my bra up, and went for my breasts, pushing them together, and fucking between them, pressing the nipples against the end---once he pinched my nipple and I cried out a little---then he wanted to fuck me up the ass---we tried on one little wall---I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, but made him take them down---he tried, but the angle was all wrong---so he had me kneel on the stairs and that worked---it hurt a little, but felt great---the motion of it all was amazing...it was funny though---after he came and pulled out, he said the condom was gone---it was still in my ass---so I pulled it out and flung it on the grass---he accidentally left the others on the wall, too...and there was come on my legs..


0 Comments

    Subscribe to this blog at Feedburner:

    I heart FeedBurner

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Author

    I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms.  (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me.  All of it interests me.  I can never get enough of it.  

    Picture
    All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites.  I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate.  Arrrrrrr!!! 
    Picture
    Now available for $2.99

    Would you like Lady Ristretto to write you a personalized, dirty Story?

    Picture
    What I can do for you

    Picture
    Check out this
    crazy, dirty bastard. 
    And I thought I was fucked up.

    Archives

    January 2019
    August 2018
    June 2018
    April 2018
    August 2017
    May 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    Categories

    All
    Abraham Lincoln
    Action Figure Erotica
    Age Play
    Alcoholics
    Alien
    Anal Sex
    Animals
    A Page From My Diary
    Art
    Athletes
    Ball Sucking
    Ball-sucking
    Barbie
    BDSM
    Beastiality
    Blowjob
    Bondage
    Breasts
    Bun Boy
    Buttplug
    Candle Wax
    Cannibalism
    Car Fetish
    Chesty Morgan
    Children
    Christianity
    Christie Sims
    Church
    Clop
    Comic Books
    Corset
    Cosplay
    Cross Dressing
    Cum
    Daughter
    Dave
    Dead
    Death
    Death Fetish
    Dildo
    Dinosaur Erotica
    Dinosaurs
    Dirtybitpodcast
    Disney
    Dolphin
    Domination
    Drag
    Dystopia
    Emotional Issues
    Erotica
    Farting
    Father
    Fetish
    Fetnoir
    F-List
    Fluttershy
    Fucking
    Futanari
    Gay Erotica
    Genderbending
    Giantesses
    Glowfyourself
    Grand Guignol
    Group Sex
    Guest Blog
    Hannibal Lecter
    Hermaphrodite
    Homosexual
    Hulk Hogan Sex Tape
    Humiliation
    Hunter Fox
    Images Of Women
    Incest
    Innie Pussy
    Intersex
    Iron Fetish
    Irony
    Japanese
    Jesus Christ
    Jockphysical.com
    Kali
    Lesbian
    Lesbian Erotica
    Masturbation
    Mechanophilia
    Medical Fetish
    Mermaids
    Middle Ages
    Moctezuma Johnson
    Mojoupgrade
    Monster Erotica
    Monster Women
    Mother
    Mourning
    My Little Pony
    Myth Erotica
    Necromancy
    Necrophilia
    Newsletter
    NSFW
    Nurse Dominatrix
    Object In A Vagina
    One Night Stands
    Oral Sex
    Pain
    Passion
    Pegging
    Planet Of The Apes
    Podcast
    Pompeii
    Porn
    Power
    Prostitutes
    Psychology
    Pterodactyl Porn
    Public Sex
    Rape
    /r/cummingonfigurines
    /r/dirtypenpals
    Real Doll
    Reddit
    /r/incest
    /r/innie
    Roleplay
    Rope
    /r/sex
    Scat
    Sex
    Sex Dolls
    Sex Offenders
    Sex Survey
    Sex Tip
    Sexuality
    Sexy
    Shark
    Sharknado
    Smutpunk
    Smutpunk Giveaway
    Stacy The Artist
    Subordination
    Sympathy
    Taboo
    Theater
    Threesome
    Totem
    Twitter
    Urine
    Vagina
    Vagina Dentata
    Violence
    Virgin
    Vomiting
    Vore
    Voyeurism
    Watersports
    Woman Image
    Woman Images
    Women
    Women Images
    Youtube Video

    RSS Feed


Picture

Picture

Picture
Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com
I'm an Ethical Author

  • Home
  • Customize Your Erotica
  • FAQ
  • Contact me
  • Action Figure Erotica
  • Blend of the Day
  • Sex, Fucking, and Give Me More Coffee
  • Library