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The Countess Robusta's
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The Grand Pageantry of Wrestling

4/5/2018

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Sometimes, the entrances are the best part.

One of the greatest pleasures I have watching wrestling are the entrances.  In Wrestlemania, the entrances are bigger, grander, full of pyrotechnics and costumes that are beyond the scope of every day episodes of RAW or Smackdown.  In New Japan Pro Wrestling, the G1 Climax or Wrestlekingdom are the great events which inspire the best, most gorgeous outfits and regal entrances.  As for Lucha Underground, it seems as if every day is a day for pagentry, as the lucha style of wrestling is full of color and high drama.  And all of it is delicious.  

Below is a brief collection of my favorite wrestlers and their gorgeous pageantry.  There are many more I could have added, such as Sasha Banks, Bailey, The New Day, Shinsuke Nakamura, Bobby Roode, and Becky Lynch.  The list does go on and on.  These few are the ones I especially love.

Finn Balor, WWE

I mention Balor first not because of his 0% body fat physique, but because of the body paint.  I've worked with body paint in theater productions, and it is extremely time consuming and always on the verge of being rubbed or sweated off.  What Balor and his artist achieve is continually stunning.  Yes, most of the paint gets rubbed off on wrestlers, but it works with the character.  Balor enters as the demon, a force that he taps into like a superpower.  At the end of the match, the demon has been exorcised, almost washed clean away, and once again he's Finn Balor.

Asuka, WWE

Asuka is an orgasm of color.  Her outfits punch us in the face and express the violence of her power.  She tells us without telling us that she is wild, vigorous energy.  

Kazuchika Okada, New Japan

Okada's entrances are not enormously original, though in the bigger events, such as Wrestlekingdom, the audience nearly drowns in Okada money.  The genius of Okada's grandeur and pageantry is his character, his energy.  He walks into the stadium and owns it.  He is a rock star, a force of nature and he knows it.  He flexes this power with a turn of his head, the way he throws out his arms, the way he swishes his magnificent coat.  

Charlotte Flair, WWE

Face or heel, Charlotte informs us she is a queen.  And, goddamn it, she truly embodies the part.  Her robes are regal and lush, and she struts like royalty to the ring.  Other than Auska, no other woman wrestler truly knows how to make an entrance completely in character.  By that I mean, she exudes energy and we know that she is truly in charge.

Mil Muertes, Lucha Underground

I love this fucking bastard so much.  His spectacle is centered in death, his coffin matches include processions of pallbearers dressed in Day of the Dead make-up.  The energy he projects that completes his entrances is of a vicious, determined motherfucker who will do anything to win.  He has a handler, the gorgeous Katrina, and she does help dazzle his image.  But she, herself, is a foul, deadly femme fatale who controls Mil with a rock.  Yes, a rock, and as silly as it sounds, it absolutely works.

Johnny Mundo, Lucha Underground

His entrance includes being blown by a fan.  (Not a blow job, but a spinning fan.)  His coats elevate him to the heights of camp and drag.  His abs are like fireworks exploding all over your face.  Face or heel, he dazzles audiences with his ego and energy.  He is a fabulous hypermasculine man who understands how to make himself into a royal pride parade. 

The Villain, Marty Scurll, ROH and New Japan

The mask is frightening.  The wings were stunning.  The top hat classy.  His entire costume is obviously crafted very specifically; it manages to emit the power and character without Scurll even showing his face.  Eventually we do see it, and see why he is the Villain Club.

Kenny Omega, New Japan

This son of a bitch is less pageantry costume and more character-as-spectacle.  His energy is an explosion.  He owns everyone.  His belief in himself is infectious.  He is the Terminator in that he relentlessly fights and destroys his opponents.  The leader of Bullet Club, one of the heel groups in New Japan, he is at the top of the food chain and watching him climb the ropes to greet a crowd shows why.  He belongs at the top.  He deserves to be elevated.  
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    Countess Robusta

    I'm Lady Ristretto, writing under a pseudonym.  My pseudonym has a pseudonym.

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