Lord Ristretto and I have been watching dinosaur documentaries lately. He, like most children of the Jurassic Park generation, fell in love with dinosaurs and became a passionate dinosaur enthusiast.
The documentary has wonderful scenes of dinosaurs eating ferns and drinking water and roaring at one another. And, surprisingly, they show some scenes of dinosaurs having sex.
No, they aren't having sex. Humans have sex. Nor are they fucking. Humans fuck. The dinosaurs are copulating. They are engaging in a basic instinctive activity that is no different than their eating and shitting (which they showed as well). It is all very clinical, unemotional and unerotic. I was shocked.
Which is a long time coming. After all, I've seen other animals mate, and I've known animals do it without the connection that humans have. But for some reason, the lack of lust suddenly astounded me. I spun in an existential hurricane, questioning whether lust exists at all. Are we just fooling ourselves? Are we fools to make sex mean something? Or are we broken, placing so much meaning and art and time and energy into sex and denying the easier, more comfortable emptiness of "mating"? Why do we fuck and have sex and bang and bump uglies and all the other euphemisms we have? Why do we have so many and what do each mean? How does the act change between them?
The dinosaurs were around for MILLIONS of years before us. MILLIONS and MILLIONS of years of nothing but EMPTY MATING RITUALS. The dinosaurs weren't wearing mini skirts, cheating on their wives, sniffing their girlfriend's panties, sending dick pics to their classmates. They were inserting penises into vaginas and laying eggs or wiggling their young into the sea. (And if the young became a liability, abandon them or eat them.)
This lasted a short time. I mused through the credits and then turned to Lord Ristretto and said it was time for him to take his pants off.
In the end, I'm in the same position as the dinosaurs. They had their mating rituals and I have mine. I can't change my ways no more than they could theirs. And it's pointless to waste my time spiraling into a philosophical maelstrom when I could be sucking dick instead.
I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
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crazy, dirty bastard.
And I thought I was fucked up.