Set in Pompeii during the years leading up to the eruption of Vesuvius, this full length novel follows the lives of prostitutes and politicians, gladiators and slaves, the elite an the nouveau riche. Their lives intertwine and the choices they make lead to the destruction of Pompeii.
Coming soon to Nook and Kindle.
Over the next week I have been given the chance to study in depth a man who I will refer to as "Dave". This study will occur through a series of interviews occurring over Kik. Dave has been given permission to masturbate when he has the urge, but he must always be honest when he does. It is important to establish that what he finds sexually stimulating and what brings him to climax: no matter how personally humiliating or shocking it may be.
Below is a summary of our conversation:
I questioned the subject about his sexual attraction toward men. Had he ever masturbated to thoughts of other men. He admitted that his "girlfriend" made him touch himself to a picture of his husband's cock. Further questioning revealed that he would allow her husband to penetrate him orally and anally if she wished. He was hesitant to admit that he feels inferior to him.
This, of course, led me to asking about his "girlfriend" who happens to have a "husband". This "girlfriend" in fact lives in Ohio, and he has never had sexual intercourse of any kind. He apparently has no history of becoming emotionally involved with women in established relationships. I assume this is misdirection.
During our conversation, Dave made no statements about other women he has had sexual intercourse with, though he maintained he finds women sexually attractive. At this point, I sincerely doubt he has any significant feelings for women. What he assumes are sexual feelings are most likely misinterpretations.
He responded to me very subserviently, allowing me to mock him. I suspect he sees women only as figures to dominate and punish him, and "force" him to explore his homosexual feelings which, on his own, he is terrified to confront.
My friends have told me that I'm crazy and sometimes behave dangerously. I don't believe roleplaying more bizarre fetishes on Reddit anything dangerous. After all, the incredible anonymity of Reddit protects me. I will admit that I never think about any psychological danger to me, or to the other person I'm roleplaying with.
A few months ago, I posted a roleplay ad with the scenario of being a psychiatrist. I had over thirty messages within the first minute, from both men and women. Most messages were men who masturbated too much and wanted help. Others were men questioning their sexual orientation. One was a woman who had a penis (I went pretty far RPing with her). The most interesting for me was a man who admitted to fantasizing about raping and murdering women. I found it fascinating, not just psychologically but logistically---how would I play this out? Below is the actual text of our initial roleplay. We never were able to play again, though I was very willing. His life was busy, as was mine, and then I moved out of the country which made the time difference an insurmountable problem. I knew nothing about him accept that he had children, and one night while we were chatting, his daughter had a nightmare and he had to give her cuddles until she fell asleep.
But you're making progress. I don't think you're a terrible, bad person. I believe in you. I believe that you really don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want you to put your hands around my throat. I know you won't hurt me because you want to be someone different.
Alright, doctor... I'll try... Your skin is so smooth, so pale. I can't help imagining bruises appearing on it. I need to touch it harder... feel it more.
You're doing very well, but you don't need to be so rough.
But I particularly love to do this to redheads, doctor... So pale, I can see the welts and bruises. I'm so hard, doctor, I'm going to unzip myself to make it easier. To make it more like what I've done before...
You're doing this too hard. You should let go of me.
It will be easier on the floor, doctor. You'll come down here, beneath me. Look at how hard it gets me? You see? You see what I'm up against? Having this soft, warm meat in my hands just makes it so difficult to stop...
I see what it's doing to you, but you need to stop. You need to let go of me right now before you do something you regret.
I already told you, meat, I don't ever regret it, I just think that I should. Maybe you'll stop telling me I need let go if I squeeze harder... Maybe I'll get more out of this with your skirt up around your waist.
No, please, no, don't, you're not like this, you're not this kind of person. At least you don't want to be. You want to be more.
No, I don't, you worthless piece of female meat masquerading as a doctor. I want to be the person I feel like when I'm doing this... powerful, using others for my pleasure.
You feel so good on the inside, doctor... particularly when you struggle and your throat bulges.
No, no, no, please stop, I can't breathe.
If you can't breathe, you can't tell me I'm wrong, you stupid piece of fuckmeat. I can't take your accusing face anymore, I need to turn you over, doctor. Your throat feels so delicate in my hands, maybe it'll help if I distract you from that by using your ass.
I struggle and grasp at your hands and cry out.
Skirt over your hip, stockings torn open for me.
It feels so good to dig my fingers into your throat, to feel your life leave you. Thank you for helping me, doctor... your ass is so tight...
(This is extremely hot...)
I'm full of terror as I gasp and struggle and realize I'm not going to escape and I've made an enormous mistake.
Do you feel how hard that is in you, doctor? That's because of how right this all feels to me. You'll never tell me I'm wrong again, you can't even speak now. You are just meat... and a tight hole.
"Please," I manage to gasp.
"Women are meat. Women are meat. Women are meat."
Stretching out your ass, feeling the life drain out of you on the floor of your office. Feeling myself cum inside you.
"This will be the last thing you feel, doctor."
His motivations are obvious: feelings of persecutions, accusations, ridicule by women. He needs to silence women as a way of finding satisfaction, a way of proving that he isn't "wrong" at all. He reduces women to meat because, very vividly to him, women are beyond meat. They are so powerful he is obsessed with reducing them to a raw physical self, empty of personality. Nothing frightens him more than women, and it's this fear that makes him lash out.
If I roleplay with someone with these fantasies, will it, could it prevent him from enacting this in real life? Is that even an issue at all? Was this man even capable of living out his fantasies (he assured me several times he hasn't hurt anyone)? I never believed so. I believe that staging his fantasies through online roleplay was a healthy form of dealing with his issues.
I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
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crazy, dirty bastard.
And I thought I was fucked up.