A few weeks ago, I gained a new roleplay client whose fetishes include scat, watersports, farting and vomiting: essentially, anything that involves material entering and exiting the body in any form. My client has understandably had trouble finding anyone willing to engage in these fetishes in roleplay. (I imagine that he's had trouble in real life as well, but I haven't asked; I refrain from asking too many personal questions.)
I've done a lot of roleplay, and I've done a lot that many people would find objectionable or offensive. But I hadn't done this. Lord Ristretto asked me to think about accepting this client, not just say yes because of the money. My personal and business philosophy has been to accept this type of sexual fetish as not offensive. I can grow accustomed to anything. This has simply been out of my realm of experience. So I accepted him.
It has been difficult for two reasons: I have no experience in it. I have done research on literotica and found this type of play less interesting than I imagined (you don't want to know what I imagined). Two, it isn't arousing to me. With any other fetish, I've discovered some element that taps into my own sexual desires. This doesn't. So I fear that I've been inauthentic in my roleplaying, though I haven't heard any complaints as of yet.
I'll let you decide:
"Where's your bathroom?" I ask. You tell me and I take you by the hand and have you come with me. The bathroom is a nice size, pleanty of room for two people. I hike up my dress to my thighs and pull off my panties, leaving them on the floor. I sit on the toilet, my legs very far apart. My dress is nearly around my waist. I reach for your hand and you let me take it. I push it between my legs, part way into the bowl, and let the pee stream out of me. It feels hot and the rush of having release after waiting for so long is intense. But most of all, knowing you're watching me, that I'm filling your hand increases my pleasure. I cry out and laugh and my legs shake. It felt utterly perfect.
I put my face in your stream of piss as I would put my face under a showerhead. I loved it, loved how dirty I felt, how dirty my dress was getting. I pulled it off and threw it in the corner of the bathroom. I lean forward and let the tip of your cock brush my lips, and your stream went into my mouth. I got a large mouthful and swallowed the warm, salty liquid. When you finished, I slide your cock deep in my mouth and suck it slow and hard. I grab your ass and squeeze. I kneed your ass cheeks and start working my fingers closer to your asshole.
I pull your cock out of my mouth and gasp for air. I felt like I was in a frenzy, a devouring animal. I turn you around, finish removing your jeans, and bend you over. Still sitting on the toilet, I lick your right ass cheek and then the left. I carefully pull them apart and take a deep wiff of you. The rawness of it, the secretness and wrongness of it was delicious. I force your cheeks further apart and work my tongue inside.
I'm not sure where to begin.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the website, the F-List provides a place for people to carry out sexual roleplaying using specifically constructed characters---characters which are not supposed to represent the person behind the character necessarily. I just found the site yesterday and I'm still overwhelmed with the enormity of the character development side.
If this website does nothing else, it has the most comprehensive list of possible fetishes that I've encountered---it makes Fet Life's list look vanilla in comparison.
I won't list all the fetishes, nor attempt to talk about all of them at this time. I'm sure I'll return to the list in the future. For now, here are all the options for the Vore fetish (as in cannibalism)
Vore by means of merging with the predator, or being absorbed and/or dissolved by an anatomical fluid of the predator.
The act of physically consuming another character, performed through an orifice other than the mouth, penis, vagina or anus, or receiving such actions.
Vore where something or someone is swallowed into the anus.
The act of physically consuming another character, performed through the penis, often resulting in the prey character being lodged into the testicles, or being the recipient of such actions.
Engaging in a vore-related RP in which the prey character will be digested in whatever fluid(s) are applicable.
Engaging in a vore-related RP in which the prey will be consumed, digested and released as fecal matter and/or urine.
Engaging in vore in which the prey character is chewed and/or eaten piece by piece, or otherwise physically mutilated by the act of being consumed.
Engaging in a vore scene in which realistic physiology is taken into account; typically connotates hard vore and digestion.
Engaging in vore in which the prey character is consumed whole, causing no or minimal damage to the character due to the vore process.
The act of physically consuming another character through the vagina and into the womb, or being the recipient of such actions.
Engaging in a vore scene in which realistic physiology is not taken into account; typically connotates soft vore.
Vore - Being Predator
Being the consuming partner in a vore or unbirth situation, acting as the predator.
Vore - Being Prey
Being the consumed partner in a vore-related RP situation.
Again, I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe I'll begin at my own beginning, when I was first in love and wanted nothing more than to be with the guy with whom I was in love. Even now, in love with Lord Ristretto, I still feel that intensity of attachment, of wanting to submerge into him, into us, and not wanting to be an individual anymore. In any romantic relationship, there are those times when the people individually, or the relationship itself, seems to devour them.
Perhaps this is where vore begins: the desire to devour and be devoured. A fetish attached to BDSM, the person who becomes devoured loses themselves in the role of slave, becoming only the wishes of the dom/domme. To be physically eaten by this person takes it one step further: to become the dom/domme.
When Hannibal Lecter eats people, he's an insane cannibal, a psychopath, a serial killer, and more than anything (and mostly enjoyed as being) a freak. The Hannibal Lecter world doesn't stop for very long to discuss the reasons why he does this, and Thomas Harris's last novel on the subject, Hannibal, tied his cannibalism to eating his sister when they were children. Too simple, I think.
Vore isn't just about obliteration of the individual, it's about the melding of two individuals physically and, presumably, psychologically. The taking of flesh into the body is a basic sexual action. Vore simply takes it to its logical conclusion.
My friends have told me that I'm crazy and sometimes behave dangerously. I don't believe roleplaying more bizarre fetishes on Reddit anything dangerous. After all, the incredible anonymity of Reddit protects me. I will admit that I never think about any psychological danger to me, or to the other person I'm roleplaying with.
A few months ago, I posted a roleplay ad with the scenario of being a psychiatrist. I had over thirty messages within the first minute, from both men and women. Most messages were men who masturbated too much and wanted help. Others were men questioning their sexual orientation. One was a woman who had a penis (I went pretty far RPing with her). The most interesting for me was a man who admitted to fantasizing about raping and murdering women. I found it fascinating, not just psychologically but logistically---how would I play this out? Below is the actual text of our initial roleplay. We never were able to play again, though I was very willing. His life was busy, as was mine, and then I moved out of the country which made the time difference an insurmountable problem. I knew nothing about him accept that he had children, and one night while we were chatting, his daughter had a nightmare and he had to give her cuddles until she fell asleep.
But you're making progress. I don't think you're a terrible, bad person. I believe in you. I believe that you really don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want you to put your hands around my throat. I know you won't hurt me because you want to be someone different.
Alright, doctor... I'll try... Your skin is so smooth, so pale. I can't help imagining bruises appearing on it. I need to touch it harder... feel it more.
You're doing very well, but you don't need to be so rough.
But I particularly love to do this to redheads, doctor... So pale, I can see the welts and bruises. I'm so hard, doctor, I'm going to unzip myself to make it easier. To make it more like what I've done before...
You're doing this too hard. You should let go of me.
It will be easier on the floor, doctor. You'll come down here, beneath me. Look at how hard it gets me? You see? You see what I'm up against? Having this soft, warm meat in my hands just makes it so difficult to stop...
I see what it's doing to you, but you need to stop. You need to let go of me right now before you do something you regret.
I already told you, meat, I don't ever regret it, I just think that I should. Maybe you'll stop telling me I need let go if I squeeze harder... Maybe I'll get more out of this with your skirt up around your waist.
No, please, no, don't, you're not like this, you're not this kind of person. At least you don't want to be. You want to be more.
No, I don't, you worthless piece of female meat masquerading as a doctor. I want to be the person I feel like when I'm doing this... powerful, using others for my pleasure.
You feel so good on the inside, doctor... particularly when you struggle and your throat bulges.
No, no, no, please stop, I can't breathe.
If you can't breathe, you can't tell me I'm wrong, you stupid piece of fuckmeat. I can't take your accusing face anymore, I need to turn you over, doctor. Your throat feels so delicate in my hands, maybe it'll help if I distract you from that by using your ass.
I struggle and grasp at your hands and cry out.
Skirt over your hip, stockings torn open for me.
It feels so good to dig my fingers into your throat, to feel your life leave you. Thank you for helping me, doctor... your ass is so tight...
(This is extremely hot...)
I'm full of terror as I gasp and struggle and realize I'm not going to escape and I've made an enormous mistake.
Do you feel how hard that is in you, doctor? That's because of how right this all feels to me. You'll never tell me I'm wrong again, you can't even speak now. You are just meat... and a tight hole.
"Please," I manage to gasp.
"Women are meat. Women are meat. Women are meat."
Stretching out your ass, feeling the life drain out of you on the floor of your office. Feeling myself cum inside you.
"This will be the last thing you feel, doctor."
His motivations are obvious: feelings of persecutions, accusations, ridicule by women. He needs to silence women as a way of finding satisfaction, a way of proving that he isn't "wrong" at all. He reduces women to meat because, very vividly to him, women are beyond meat. They are so powerful he is obsessed with reducing them to a raw physical self, empty of personality. Nothing frightens him more than women, and it's this fear that makes him lash out.
If I roleplay with someone with these fantasies, will it, could it prevent him from enacting this in real life? Is that even an issue at all? Was this man even capable of living out his fantasies (he assured me several times he hasn't hurt anyone)? I never believed so. I believe that staging his fantasies through online roleplay was a healthy form of dealing with his issues.
This isn't meant to be a confessional as I don't feel any guilt. I have no conscience to appease, no burden to alleviate.
I had a long term online roleplay relationship, with someone I met on Reddit's dirtypenpals, with a British man. We'll call him Bill. Bill was married, with a young daughter, with a normal job, driving to work every morning in traffic and being very tired when he got home.
Bill was very protective of me, as much as he could be online. He loved me, too, as much as he could online. We played out many sexual fantasies which were extremely stimulating. He had special tastes as well.
For example, he liked to fantasize about beating the shit out of me, choking me, violently fucking me until I bled. Once we even used blood as part of sex.
Once he confessed to fantasizing about killing women he saw in public, and couldn't explain why. He was also suicidal, which frightened me, and suffered from depression.
As far as fantasies went, Bill liked age play. Particularly, incestuous age play. When I called him Daddy in a text, it would instantly transform our communication. I would write my dialogue as a little girl (8-10 years old) and he would proceed to seduce me. These were the most profound fantasies that we had, and extremely moving for him. The combination of tender fatherly feelings with sexual desire satisfied him in ways he couldn't explain. In fact, I'm hard pressed to explain it myself. It was never violent, and it was filled with love.
I participated because it was moving for me as well, and it didn't feel wrong. If anything, it served as a great comfort.
He had always told me that he would never think of his own daughter in this way and I believed him. I don't talk to him anymore---this is how RP relationships go. They don't seem to last long.
I could never believe that Bill was anything monstrous. He had sexual desires he couldn't explain, and couldn't discuss with his wife or anyone else. To do so would be a kind of suicide. This is wrong. These are things men should be allowed to discuss. We must face that underage sex, and extremely underage sex, is something that, most likely, many of the men in our lives find sexually stimulating.
I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
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crazy, dirty bastard.
And I thought I was fucked up.