I found this on Reddit, of course: Man Sexually Assaults Porsche in Thailand.
This behavior seemed vaguely familiar.
So I started hunting around the internet. And I found Edward:
Though the interview is thinly veiled mockery, I found his honesty surprisingly common---what I mean by that is, his descriptions of his physical desire for cars and the affections he feels are very similar to the descriptions of other non-human-philiacs give. For example:
“It is hugging and holding the shape of the car close to me and actually talking to it a little bit. And then of course, the rest is just physical satisfaction – masturbation is, I guess, the word.”
This isn't about fucking a tailpipe or looking for a vaginal shaped opening. Even the man in Thailand scans the body of the Porsche for a while, sizing it up like a man would a woman. The sexual attraction is to the shape, the car-ness of the object. There is a sensual appreciation for what it is, and stimulates a sexual response. Have biological wires gotten crossed somewhere in these men? We all have crossed biological wires.
What I would love to ask these men is, what is it like to drive one of these cars? I adore driving, and I imagine that if I was sexually aroused by a car, driving it would be an overwhelmingly erotic experience. Perhaps I will find them and ask them.
That's the name of a subreddit I found while wandering the back alleys of Reddit. And the name is very straight forward: it is a collection of pics and gifs of men cumming on figurines.
I was surprised that the subreddit was comprised almost completely of gifs: the visitors wanted to see the cumshot in action, the tiny figure unmoved by the explosion of semen on her face and breasts, yet unable to avoid it. Most of the figurines are anime characters and I found that curious at first. But then after a while, it made sense: most likely anime figures are the sexiest figurines, the best candidates for these miniature pornos.
These are also figurines, not action figures. They are solid statues, yet their poses, unlike action figures, are dynamic expressions of their power and abilities. An action figure can be manipulated to a certain degree, but doesn't have the life of these art works. Perhaps that is the real attraction: the lifelike qualities, the vivid detail, and their frozen actions.
My Little Pony Side note: In the subreddit, someone posted a question asking if any other figures, besides anime, were acceptable to post. This user has a thing for My Little Pony and would like to post pics of cumming on his ponies. The responses were generally amicable, except for the last which was both nasty and funny:
people who aren't into MLP don't want to see anything MLP. especially anything sexual with MLP. keep that to yourself.
There's something about a Death Fetish that makes perfect sense to me. And it has nothing to do with the concept of the orgasm being a Little Death (petit mort).
There is something intimate between a killer and his/her victim. To kill someone, theoretically, can be the greatest form of intimacy: the victim has a last person they see, the last person who knew them, the one person who took their life. It's a form of virginity, where the person "taking" the "first" event becomes elevated made all important. The ultimate, infamous Romantic lover.
The above Redditor limits his definition of Death Fetish to male/female scenarios, but it can be more complex than that. Going to Fetnoir.com, you'll discover how complex this can be. There are various forms of death, those involving crimes and rape, executions, movies and anime and all forms of art work. Femme fetales fit into this universe, as do the traditional masked burglar who appears in stereotypical rape fantasies. Sex can occur before, during or after the death. And, of course, there is quite a lot of it on the internet.
I went to psycho-thrillers.com, mentioned by the Redditor above, and found quite a long list of movies involving death fetish. I pulled the following images, the ones that struck me the most because of all the fetishes included in this one film:
Priests, murder, sexual predators (I'm assuming that this means that the priest is a pedophile, and the woman pictured is, by implication, underage. Of course, because of the pornography laws in the US, portraying such things is illegal). For me, this is a fetish jackpot. And it's just the beginning.
I found this on Reddit, of course, buried in comments on this post. Not only did this guy cum on the dead bird, he dressed it as the pope, named it Pope Avian, and gave it a traditional viking funeral. Why? Because he could, I suppose. Because he was a creative, open minded person, imaginative person. Because, like a child, he had to make up a story for it. And an entertaining one at that.
What makes this most bizarre is the fact that he came on it. Why not just piss on it? Because that would be disrespectful. But to cum on it? We cum on things that excite us, that move us physically. Cumming on something is paying tribute. It is a form of honor.
Is this guy a pervert? A freak? Of course he is. And we need more people like him in the world.
The image below is a step by step description of the process. Click on it to get to a larger image.
Every week in my newsletter (sign up here), I have a Reddit Sex Story of the Week. This week, rather than highlight just one sex story, we highlight multiple, all written by one redditor named BadDad1214. In actuality, it is one long story that has been broken into parts over a 100 day period, and is ongoing.
BadDad1214 has had an ongoing sexual relationship with his daughter that has had just enough realistic details to convince me it is real. He won't offer the age of his daughter (indicator number one), and has had rough sex with her which has resulted in injury. The sex has also occurred while his two younger boys have been home.
BadDad's wife is from India and they were married by arrangement (I assume he is Indian as well). The daughter is his daughter by a previous marriage. The wife has left for India to take care of her parents, and in her absence BadDad and his daughter have assumed a kind of "dating" relationship in absolute secret.
Well, except that the internet knows.
Often I'll skip my way through Reddit using their random NSFW search link. Sometimes I find subreddits I really wish I hadn't (pics of dead kids), but often I find things that are very educational.
Today I learned about the innie pussy. Diagram provided:
Being a woman (yes, I promise I am), this surprised me: I didn't really know there was a difference.
Being a bisexual woman, I felt stupid: I've had sex with numerous women. How have I not noticed this?
Well, to be fair, when I was with those women, I wasn't thinking at all about comparing our bodies and discovering how remarkable female anatomy is. All I cared about was fucking them and getting fucked by them. Honestly, I don't remember anything specific about anyone, except how I felt with them.
It is very possible that this is entirely because this is my thinking process. Sometimes, especially when I'm excited, my vision narrows and all that I can focus on or remember is what I'm excited about. Sex is a good example of this. Sometimes details escape me, even ones that seem like they would be important.
Perhaps it has something to do with men having a stronger interest in images---that men remember pussies enough to create categories for them, so they may better remember their experiences and help them foster new fantasies.
Do I prefer an innie or an outie? I just like pussy.
Innie images provided by /r/innie on reddit.
The subreddit /r/incest offers the following post as general advice for anyone needing advice about making sexual advances on a family member: Tips on Seduction of Family Members.
Honestly, the advice is really wise, logical and optimistic: "Consanguineous lovemaking, sex, or experimentation is common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been, involved, and has been a reality for all of human experience." But also warns that there is a difference between consensual sexual activity between relatives and rape.
My favorite bit of advice:
"Do not expect that by suddenly waving an erection around (assuming you have a penis) or 'getting caught' masturbating that mom will turn into your unbridled, passionate sex kitten."
This post is refreshing, intelligent, honest and very important. There is no point in denying or demonizing incest, when it is a common occurrence in society. Bravo, Reddit.
"Me and my sister and my mare" is one of the best " true" stories I've read on reddit. Located under the /r/incest subreddit, the story runs a few thousand words and teaches one much about how to fuck a horse.
Click on the above image to get to the story.
I found a sex survey on reddit (linked on the image above) and I like talking about my sex life and I'm fascinated by psychological studies, so I started taking it. I didn't finish it, however, because I found I did know how to answer many questions. These are some of those questions and I'll answer them to the best of my ability.
How many partners have you engaged in sexual behavior with but not had sex with?
I can't possibly remember. I'm forty. I've been having sex since I was 21 (very late bloomer). Though I was a late bloomer, I've worked very hard to make up for it. I could put together a list of people I've had sex with, but those I just messed around with I can't possibly remember.
How many times have you gone out to bars/parties/social events with the intent of "hooking up" but not having sex with someone?
Oh, god, who could possibly answer this. I can't even remember all the bars I went to, let alone how many times I felt horny and wanted dick/pussy.
How many times have you had an unexpected and unanticipated sexual experience?
More often than not, this is what happens. When Lord Ristretto surprises me in the morning for sex, does that count? It must, because it fits their definition. And after almost twenty years, how can I generate a number for this.
How many times have you had a sexual encounter you engaged in willingly but later regretted?
This one is pretty broad and an interpretation can include everything from rape to merely regretting a relationship. Again, I have no idea.
How many times have you given or received fellatio (oral sex on a man) without a condom?
Do people actually DO this? I've heard of it, and heard that people do it, but I've never done it. From the point of view of a sexual philosophy grounded in pleasure and hedonism, this seems like an unacceptable form of protection. What's the point of fellatio if I can't taste the cock and swallow cum.
How many times have you given or received cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) without a dental dam or "adequate protection"?
Again, who does this? I site the above answer.
How many times have you or your partner used alcohol or drugs before or during sex?
For many years, I didn't/couldn't have sex without being drunk. Almost always, the person I was fucking was drunk as well. I'm not sure when this began, and only have a vague idea about when it ended (I was drunk, haha). But generating a number isn't possible at all. Isn't a better question, have you ever had sex while using drugs/alcohol?
How many times (that you know of) have you had sex with someone who has had many sexual partners?
What strikes me by this question is its opposite form: how many people did you fuck that had little to no experience? What, then, is little experience? What is "many partners"? I'm sure the number has changed through the years, depending upon cultural influences.
How many partners have you had sex with that you didn’t trust?
Wow, where do I begin with this? How do I define "trust"? Under what context (do I trust him to feed the cats?)?
I'm not going to rewrite the questions so that they would generate more accurate answers. What interests me is the inability to quantify sexual experience. Quantifying sexual esteem is a pretty arduous task in itself.
But what is my experience? What does it mean that I can't remember everything, or everyone? What about those people I remember and will always remember? Shouldn't they have special prominence when judging my self esteem, or my sexual history as a whole? And what about the erotica I write: aren't those also my sexual experiences, extensions of my history and manifestations of my self esteem? Perhaps my erotica is a more vivid portrait of my sexual life than what I've actually done.
I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
Would you like Lady Ristretto to write you a personalized, dirty Story?
Check out this
crazy, dirty bastard.
And I thought I was fucked up.