Set in Pompeii during the years leading up to the eruption of Vesuvius, this full length novel follows the lives of prostitutes and politicians, gladiators and slaves, the elite an the nouveau riche. Their lives intertwine and the choices they make lead to the destruction of Pompeii.
Coming soon to Nook and Kindle.
I devised a game for this session. In this game, Dave would tie up his balls using string. I would have control over whether or not the strings tightened. His part would be to masturbate and attempt to cum. It was a race: if he could cum before I had him tighten the strings enough to castrate himself.
He wasn't keen on this game. I had to threaten him with public exposure, and he finally relented. I imagine his protests were only designed to make me threaten him, thereby arousing him.
We began and I asked him a series of questions, in order to distract him from masturbating. I asked him if he had been raped or had raped anyone. He answered no, but admitted to having rape fantasies in which his "girlfriend" dresses him in women's clothes and "Tying me down and a guy fucking me while I'm gagged and cuffed....It's hard to stay hard during this topic. Can we change it?"
I absolutely would not change it. I drew parallel's between his mother and his "girlfriend": "That's the kind of thing your mother would do: abandon you when you needed her, stand by and watch you get hurt....Do you fantasize about your mother watching you in sexual situations?"
He questioned if I was really trying to castrate him. I was only playing the game, I answered. Then added:
"In the rape scenario with your girlfriend, if your girlfriend mirrors your mother, is the raping male figure your father? Is this how you're able to feel closeness with your father---being joined through the violence inflicted by your mother?"
He begged me to change the subject and said again he was having a hard time staying hard. He asked if he could have a toy: a buttplug, small but still significant. Testing him further, I had him use Deep Heat as lube on the buttplug. He attempted to fight me on it, but gave in quickly. The exchange following is astounding:
"It's in...It's hot already...It's hurting...Please. Let me take it out?"
"You can use your safe words if you need to. Suffer the penalties of course."
And then, a long delay before his response:
"I came. So hard. I've not cum that hard in a long time. It was intense as hell."
The fear of castration, the incestuous, violent images of his mother, fantasies of forced feminization and rape, and severe rectal burning all contributed to his orgasm. One, he observes himself, which is the most intense he's had in a while.
I'm afraid that Dave cannot divorce pain, humiliation and sex. I believe this has roots in his childhood, something traumatic that happened with his mother, perhaps also abuse by his beloved father. This need for pain and suffering very likely could branch out---where hurting himself for sexual pleasure will lose it's potency and he must hurt others. Most likely little boys, replaying a scenario of violence he himself suffered in his childhood.
Over the next week I have been given the chance to study in depth a man who I will refer to as "Dave". This study will occur through a series of interviews occurring over Kik. Dave has been given permission to masturbate when he has the urge, but he must always be honest when he does. It is important to establish that what he finds sexually stimulating and what brings him to climax: no matter how personally humiliating or shocking it may be.
Below is a summary of our conversation:
I questioned the subject about his sexual attraction toward men. Had he ever masturbated to thoughts of other men. He admitted that his "girlfriend" made him touch himself to a picture of his husband's cock. Further questioning revealed that he would allow her husband to penetrate him orally and anally if she wished. He was hesitant to admit that he feels inferior to him.
This, of course, led me to asking about his "girlfriend" who happens to have a "husband". This "girlfriend" in fact lives in Ohio, and he has never had sexual intercourse of any kind. He apparently has no history of becoming emotionally involved with women in established relationships. I assume this is misdirection.
During our conversation, Dave made no statements about other women he has had sexual intercourse with, though he maintained he finds women sexually attractive. At this point, I sincerely doubt he has any significant feelings for women. What he assumes are sexual feelings are most likely misinterpretations.
He responded to me very subserviently, allowing me to mock him. I suspect he sees women only as figures to dominate and punish him, and "force" him to explore his homosexual feelings which, on his own, he is terrified to confront.
And I still make the same mistakes. Not in such cataclysmic degrees as when I was younger, but I still find myself drawn to the same flavors of mistakes.
Particularly, men with emotional issues: alcoholics are a favorite, bipolars, the depressed, and the egomanical. All of these types are extraordinarily interesting and absorbing. They have great passion---not that the emotionally healthy don't, but those with issues let their passion erupt from them like shooting steam. They burn but the pain is exquisite and memorable, and the memories are intoxicating.
And the sex, of course, is spectacular, even when it's bad. But the sex is more than the physical act; it is a vibrant state of mind that is wonderful and painful. For some of my former mistakes, I can still hear my past moaning.
I've been extraordinarily open minded about sex ever since my first year in college, when I learned women could have orgasms. (I was a late bloomer in high school.) Nothing shocks me. All of it interests me. I can never get enough of it.
All of the pics in my blog are stolen/borrowed from other websites. I consider myself not really a thief, but a pirate. Arrrrrrr!!!
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crazy, dirty bastard.
And I thought I was fucked up.